Drowning in Freedom
by KeitaWolf
Summary: Everything has changed. I've given up everything I've ever known. From here on out, it's me writing my own history. I'm torn. The freedom is amazing – but fighting for survival is harder than I ever imagined. [Chapter 4]
1. Somewhere Out There

**Disclaimer:** ASP is my Hero – But I'm not her… so I will now tell you that I take no credit for any of the characters here (except those not mentioned in the TV series)

This chapter title is property of Our Lady Peace.

**A/N:** This fic, while slightly AU will be very realistic. I was fortunate in being able to do some charity work in Toronto, with the homeless, and met a number of drug dealers, and prostitutes. This fic will be generally quite accurate in its story line… and will follow a Go Ask Alice/Speak format.

**Second A/N:** Thanks to Sum41rocks, who is beta-ing for this fic. It's my first time writing a first person present narrative, instead of third person narrative… and it's terrifyingly difficult, and well yes… that's it… please bare with me – and check out some of Sum41rocks' fics.

**Rating: **PG13 - R for content and mild language.

**Summary:** Lane experiences her first real party. She ends up drunk, and comes home to Mama Kim who is livid. In her drunken state, Lane decides its time to leave. Packing her things, she heads out for the city. The freedom is amazing – but fighting for survival is harder than she ever imagined.

**WARNING** – This is not a fic to read if you are looking for fluff or a light read. It is harsh, angst, and will be very gruesome at times. For Mature audiences (viewer digression advised :P)

* * *

Chapter 1: Somewhere Out There

"Okay, I'll be there." I say into the mouthpiece of the phone.

"What about your mom?" Samantha, one of my classmates asks me.

"Don't worry, it will be fine. I told her I'm helping a local student with their bible studies."

"Okay and you have the address?" she asks again.

"Yes," I say, slightly annoyed.

"Good, I'll see you there then."

"Sure."

"Nervous?" she asks.

"You have no idea," I reply honestly, feeling my stomach do flips. "I mean, I'm worried I'll get caught, and even more so that I'll look like a complete loser."

"Nah, you won't. Don't worry."

"Okay, well I need to leave now, if I want to get out of the house and change out of this really horrible outfit before the party. Oh my god, I'm going to a party"

"See you in twenty," she says laughing.

"Yea, see ya!"

I hang up the phone, glowing slightly. I've never been to a real party before. I mean I've had little kid parties, or at least been to a couple of Rory's, but this was different. I was going to go to my first High School party.

I walk downstairs, with my bag slung over my shoulder. Experience has taught me this. Clutching the bag too tightly will attract attention, just leaving it hanging, makes it almost invisible – but just to be safe, I put my bible on top of my clothes, and a note pad and paper on the side.

"Lane, where are you going?" she asks.

"I'm going to Samantha's house to help her with her bible study," I lie.

"What does she need help with?" she asks me suspiciously.

"John." I reply easily.

"Be back for dinner. We are having Tofu steak."

"Actually, Samantha's parents have asked me to stay for dinner."

"What? They do not call and ask for my permission? They just invite you and assume you can come."

"Well Mama,"

"Go. I do not want you to be rude. Next time, parents should ask first. People have no manners."

"Okay,"

I walk outside, exhaling a breath I didn't know I was holding. Smiling, I start to jog down towards Samantha's to get ready for the party.

* * *

"Oh My God." I mutter watching the disaster before me. My classmates are scattered everywhere, most attached at the lip, almost all drunk, and many passed out cold. 

"Lane," a slurred voice bellows from behind me.

"Dean?" I ask, as he slings an arm over my shoulder to hold himself up. "Does Rory know you're here?"

"She's with Jess," he spit through clenched teeth.

"No, she's with you, Dean."

"Not now," he slurs

"No, not right now, but she's your girlfriend."

"Want a beer?" he asks out of nowhere.

I am caught so off guard that I hear myself saying "Okay,"

"Here," he says pushing an unopened bottle into my hands.

I look at the bottle, watching the liquid swirl around inside. 'What could it hurt?' I wonder. Watching the boy beside me twist off his cap, I mimic his actions, and scrunch up my nose at the strange smell.

I can't push the bottle to my lips. I've never done this. I'm raw. I can see it now – me getting drunk, Mama Kim placing me on house arrest for life. I'll be locked up forever, and I'll have to watch my friends go through college; get jobs; all the while working on bible study, and helping my mother wrap antiques.

"Your mom will never know," Dean says, taking a swig from his new bottle.

"To freedom," I mutter nervously. And without another thought, sip the liquid.

I look at the bottle – nothing different. My hand? Nope. Nothing happened. Everything is the same, no abnormalities, no blurred vision. I can think straight, talk normally, and focus. Smiling, I lift the bottle to my lips again. This happens for the next few minutes, before I give up the observations, and ask Dean for a second.

As he stumbles towards the counter, I can't help but wonder how he got like that. I've already had a full beer, and I don't feel any different. I'm not upset, just slightly disappointed. There is something about Dean's care free stumble which leaves me wondering what it would feel like to be drunk.

"Thanks," I say, accepting the offered bottle, and starting to dance slightly to the music in the back ground.

* * *

I stumble outside laughing. Clutching Sam's arm, I listen to her conversation with Mark, who was hosting the party. 

"See you…Monday." She mumbles, tripping over her feet slightly.

"English, right?" He asks a little more together than Sam.

"Or French… or Math… or Chem.…" She trails off

"See you." He says kissing her cheek lightly. "You too Lane."

"Bye," I say through the mist I can't seem to keep out of my head.

We stagger down the street – laughing, at anything we see. Walking towards my house, I say goodbye to Sam, and lurch up the steps of my front porch. I reach for the door knob, but fall forward.

I'm caught by something soft – not the floor as I expected.

"Lane?" I hear through that cursed mist. "Lane? What is this – you smell like beer, and smoke. Where have you been?"

"Mom!" I say cheerfully. "I went to a party, and it was great. They had this amazing band, and then I had a beer, and another, and another, and I can't remember after that. But I feel fine really." I say, before reeling over and spilling the contents of my stomach on the ground.

* * *

**  
A/N:** It's a poor start. I know… But it will get better. I promise. Longer too :P 


	2. All in a Day

**Disclaimer:** ASP is my Hero – But I'm not her… so I will now tell you that I take no credit for any of the characters here (except those not mentioned in the TV series)

_This chapter title is property of The Coors._

**A/N:** This fic, while slightly AU will be very realistic. I was fortunate in being able to do some charity work in Toronto, with the homeless, and met a number of drug dealers, and prostitutes. This fic will be generally quite accurate in its story line… and will follow a Go Ask Alice/Speak format.

_Thanks to Sum41rocks, who is beta-ing for this fic. It's my first time writing a first person narrative, instead of third person narrative… and it's terrifyingly difficult, and well yes… that's it… please bare with me – and check out some of Sum41rocks' fics._

**Rating: ** PG13 - R for content and mild language.

**WARNING** – This is not a fic to read if you are looking for Fuff or a light read. It is harsh, angsty, and will be very gruesome at times. For Mature audiences (viewer digression advised :P)

--------------------

**Chapter 2: All in a Day**

I woke up in my room. My head was pounding, and I was still wearing my clothes from the day before. I tried to rake my mind for the memories of the preceding night; Sam, Dean, Beer, and more Beer. Wow, I feel like I've lost IQ.

'How did I get into my room?' I wonder. It's possible that I made it here last night, but not very probable… I don't remember faring so well on the porch steps, let alone the steep ones leading to my room.

I decide it's probably best to go downstairs and find Mama… if I was lucky and didn't see her last night, then she'll expect me to be up and ready. If I'm not so lucky and she did… well lets just hope it didn't come to that.

Walking down the stairs, I noticed how quiet the house is. Normally there would be people looking around the shop, or at least Mama in the kitchen, cooking tofu for dinner.

"Mama," I call.

"Lane," I hear from the kitchen. Her voice is expressionless, I have no idea what to expect.

I walk around the corner, weaving through antiques towards the kitchen, where I heard her voice. She's sitting at one of the antique tables in our kitchen, holding a mug of tea; silently, staring at me.

"Mama," I say, knowing the script we follow well.

"Explain." She says. I already know she doesn't care what happened. Explain is just something she is required to say. It's something she always does –but it doesn't matter. I could say nothing right now, and she would continue on.

"I went to a party Mama – " I get out before she interrupts me.

"And had beer! I did not raise a daughter to go to parties where there are boys. At parties there is beer, there is kissing, there are drugs, and teenagers getting pregnant. Then pregnant teenagers dropout, and no Korean boy will marry a girl that has not finished school. What have I taught you Lane? I do this to protect you! You come home sick and throw up good Tofurky lunch. Why do you do this? I did not raise a girl like this!"

"No Mama!" I yell, getting lost in the words she spits at me. "You raised a girl that has secrets; a girl that has a CD collection hidden in her floor boards; a closet full of so called devil clothes. I sneak out, I kiss non-Koreans. I don't tell you anything because you don't listen."

"You kissed a non-Korean!" Mama yells. "Who? Who is this boy? Did he ask me to kiss you!"

"No Mama! He didn't ask because I told him you would say no!"

"Because he is not Korean!"

"Mama, do you hear this? Have you listened to anything you've said? How about I give you my life? We can sign a contract; you can manage it for me. I'll pass over the deeds, and a set of keys – You _can run_ it for me. You can be me, Mama."

"I do not want to be you Lane. I want you to be safe. I want you to attend bible school, I want you to go to Christian university, and I do not want you going to parties and kissing non-Korean boys!" Mama yells. "Look now? This is not the girl I raised. Yelling, and talking back! This is what parties and kissing boys does!"

"Mama!"

"Go to your room! You are grounded. No phone, no friends, no school! I will call Reverend and he will do bible study at home, you will stay here until I get a discount ticket to Korea, and then you will go and stay with Aunt Jung. Now go!"

Huffing, I run up the stairs. Mama rarely ever loses her cool. I know what I did last night was wrong, but the hold Mama Kim has on me is so tight. I'm like a bar of soap – she's so strict that I can't do anything but try and break free. I can't stay here. I won't go to Korea.

I have to leave.

I run into my closet; and grab a duffle bag. Inside it, I stuff some skirts, jeans, a number of shirts and tank tops; clothes that I've bought just to look at. I grab my disc-man, and start to ponder what CDs I plan to take. My bag is pretty full as it is, and I have no idea what mood I'll be in. Getting an idea, I toss one of my Lava Lamps along with my Pink Coat, identical to the one Brandon Flowers wore on his recent Killers tour. Pulling the zipper shut, I open a second duffle bag.

I flipped up my floor boards, and began pulling out sections of CDs. Careful to keep them organized and stacked, I crammed most of my collection into the duffle bag. The remaining one I tossed into my purse, along with my wallet. Hiding my bags in my closet, I grabbed some scrap paper and started to jot down everything of importance I could think of.

My list started out with people who I'd have to write to, and by the end had turned into a poem about how angry I was at my situation.

"Lane," Mama Kim's voice came from behind my closed door. Quickly hiding the paper under my American History text book, I flipped it open as she entered my room.

"What are you doing?"

"Studying history Mama," I reply.

"Who are you studying?" She asked suspiciously

"Roosevelt," I reply easily.

"Roosevelt," she repeats. "Get changed for church."

"Yes Mama," I say quietly.

I pull out one of 'Mama Kim's approved dresses and quickly change into it. Walking downstairs, I make a mental note to pack my black halter mini-dress before leaving.

--------------------

"This is the word of the lord, Amen." The reverend concludes. I slowly stand up and follow Mama Kim out. Normally at this time I'd go to Rory's, but in my current situation, it looks like I'm not going to get a chance to say good-bye.

Dinner was quiet; not that dinner at the Kim house is typically thrilling, but the characteristic silence is all the more awkward. I move my food around my plate, losing myself in thought.

I'm not sure where I'm going to go. I heard it's nice in Toronto, but there's no way I could get across the Canadian boarder. Well that is unless I call myself a refugee… If they ever met Mama, I'm sure they'd agree. However I doubt they'd take the time to meet her.

I could go to Florida! It's so nice and warm there. I could lounge on the beach, and watch the waves wash up on the shore… and burn. Right, no sun… sensitive skin… Okay, so New York. I could do that. It's a big city, it'll –

"Lane!" a voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Eat your patty; made with soy – good for your heart."

"Yes Mama," I say. It's only now, sitting at this table that I realize how much I say those two words. Yes Mama. It's like I've been bread to be obedient. Have I ever had an opinion? What a stupid question. Of course I've had an opinion. I've just never expressed it.

"Mama, I don't feel like Tofu Patties today. I'm not very hungry. May I be excused?"

"To study?"

"Actually," I say, trying to pick the right words. "I'm feeling very tired. I think I'll go to bed early tonight."

"It's seven o'clock. How are you tired."

"I was praying very hard today in church." I lye.

"For good reason; kissing boys!"

"Yes Mama," I reply.

"Go sleep. Tomorrow you help me organize shop. Move all chairs to one side, and all tables to other. We'll have big sale on lamps. 30 off all customers who buy lamp with chair."

"Yes Mama," I echo, silently counting _three._

"Then go to sleep. But remember your prayers – prayers in church today not enough for the whole night. Jesus does not listen to the silent."

"Yes Mama," F_our._

"Then you may go."

"Yes Mama," I reply, as I start to walk back upstairs. _Five._

--------------------

My alarm clock flashes 3am. I slowly slip out from under my covers. Grabbing my bags, I prop open the window, and toss them outside. Taking three deep breaths, I grab my wallet, all the money I have, and slip quietly out the window.

All that's left of me is what remains in my closet, which I've left open, and a white envelope on my desk.

I silently make my way to the bus stop. Using half of my money for my ticket, I quietly sit on the bench, waiting for the 3:30 bus to New York.

_All in a day, she saw the face in the mirror lie. To her dismay, she saw the child that was in  
her die. And she cried... overnight. 'Cos what she sees... she doesn't like.  
I'm twisting; I'm turning; I'm aching; and it's burning in one day..._

As the bus pulls up in front of me, I take one last look around. Everything's silent; Miss Patty's dance studio is locked up, Luke's is closed, Doose's Market is empty.

"Goodbye," I whisper, and slowly carry my bags up the bus steps.

Picking a window seat near the back, I watch as the bus pulls away from Stars Hallow. Wiping a tear from the side of my face, I lay down on my bags trying to get some sleep before facing New York.

My eyes never closed, and before I knew it – I had arrived.


	3. Spread your Wings

**Disclaimer:** ASP is my Hero – But I'm not her… so I will now tell you that I take no credit for any of the characters here (except those not mentioned in the TV series)

_This chapter title is property of Queen._

_Thanks to Sum41rocks, who kindly betaed this fic for me, and was still willing to do so after my complete lack of frequent update._

--------------------

**Chapter 2: Spread your Wings**

"Move it!" A voice called from behind me, as I stood frozen in place at the foot of the bus exit.

"Oh, sorry," I mumble, as a progression of people push past me.

Clutching the strap of my bag I begin to walk. It was midday, and the streets were busy with people scurrying from place to place. It could have been overwhelming, but for some reason I felt so high with excitement that I wasn't feeling much of anything.

Words flew by me, along with people of so many different races, and what I would guess as backgrounds.

A man, legs crosses, playing the flute.

An elderly woman holding a baby while calling to a young girl across the street.

Two children in school uniforms holding hands as they walked towards the subway.

This is what I've been waiting for!

"OW!" yelled the man playing the flute.

"Get out of here! You're scaring away business! Take your hat, and your

wooden stick and get off my front step!"

"She's my baby!" called the young girl

"Well according to the government hoes ain't good mothers!"

"Let me at least hold her!"

"Not without a court order you ain't!"

"Please Mark, let's just talk"

"Listen you little bitch, you said you could pay, and you can't. Money's not the only currency in this town."

"My eight o'clock didn't show; it's not my fault."

"Well looks like I'm your two thirty."

"Mark…" she called as they clambered down towards the subway.

I stood there stunned. This was nothing like Stars Hollow. These people –

"HEY!" I yell, feeling a hand on my butt.

"I've got twenty minutes for lunch…" the man trailed off.

"Okay, well you need to eat during that break, and you need hands for that, so kindly take yours off my butt." I get out in one breath.

"You're a tease, you know that? Bitch." He muttered before continuing down the street.

Sighing, I made my way to a bakery I had seen a block back. Slipping inside I reached for my wallet and pull out a twenty. I may as well eat something while I figure out what to do.

"May I help you?" The woman asks kindly.

"Sure, I'd like a hot chocolate and a chocolate explosion croissant."

"That's eight fifty." Passing over the twenty, I watched my hot chocolate stream out of the machine. It wasn't cold out side, but I had so many emotions spinning that I needed comfort food. Rory taught me that. Ground yourself with chocolate, ice cream, and coffee. "And your change," the teller said, passing me back some money along with my croissant and hot chocolate.

I took a seat at one of the stools facing the window, my bags on the floor, and just people watched.

Time went by. I never realized how much having nothing to do sucked. I mean, after a while, all the people started to look the same, and all I could do was move the crumbs around on my plate.

Hearing a chiming noise, I pulled my eyes away from the streets of New York. I looked around and noticed a little boy hitting buttons on an ancient pinball machine. Smiling, I watched him play until his mother pulled him away.

Lifting my bags, I walked over to the machine. I pulled out a quarter from my pocket, and felt the edges for a little. Sliding it into the slot I smiled as the machine lit up and chimed music – just for me.

I'm not sure how long I played pinball… but I spent a good seven or eight dollars worth of quarters before I was interrupted.

"Hey," came a sweet voice from behind me.

"Oh, sorry did you want the machine?"

"What? Oh no." she giggled. "I'm trying to save my money." Which is what I should be doing I thought. What kind of an idiot am I spending my money on pinball!

"You new around here?" she asked. "I come in here a lot, and I've never seen you before."

"Yea…" I said a little tentatively.

"Well, you hungry? I know a great place."

"Okay," I said happy for the opportunity to speak to a local.

"By the way, I'm Ashley." She said extending her hand.

"Lane," I replied shaking her hand.

As we walked down the street, her carrying one of my bags, she pointed out all the major sites.

"How are your feet?" She asked, laughing as I stopped to catch my breath at the top of a hill.

"A little sore," I admitted.

"You'll get used to it." She said smiling. "Were almost there." I tried not to let my relief show. Failing miserably we broke out laughing.

She opened the door of a pizzeria a couple blocks down. As the door chimed a man looked up from behind the counter.

"Any preference?" Ashley asked me.

"No fruit," I said smiling.

"Amen to that sista!"

"We'll take two slices of the works." I pulled out my wallet to pay but Ashley passed a twenty to the guy before I had a chance. "My treat," she said smiling.

"Thanks," I said, feeling slightly guilty. I didn't know this girl a whole day and already she's giving me the grand tour, and buying me lunch.

Taking a seat at a round table, we start to eat.

"Oh my god!" I said after taking my first bite. "This is amazing!" She just laughed in reply. "We have this place back home, Al's Pancake World. He serves pizza, only it's horrible stuff. Kind of tastes like what you would think plastic tastes like." Ashley snorted in response.

"Where are you from?"

"Connecticut."

"Wow." She said eyes wide with surprise. "You're not even from state."

"Nope," I said sadly, suddenly remembering Stars Hollow. Ashley picked up on the sudden mood change.

"Miss it?" she asked.

"Yea," I replied in a daze. "My best friend there, Rory, we had this thing where if things ever got tough, that I could run away from home and stay with her and her mom. Lorelai was the coolest. She'd buy me pizza, and ice cream, and invite me over for Godfather and Molly Ringwald marathons."

"You hung out with your best friend's mom?"

"Yea, she was really cool. She had Rory when she was sixteen, so she was more like a big sister than a mother." Ashley's face darkened at this, but I didn't notice. "There was this one time," I said with a laugh. "at the Dance Marathon, when Lorelai came to get one of my tofu-egg sandwiches, and asked if she could borrow me to help carry sandwiches to the guests. I don't know if I've told you or not, but my mother is really strict."

"Oh yea?" Ashley asked, as if she'd heard it a million times.

"No, everyone thinks their parents are strict. But mine, mine are like strict, strict. My mother wouldn't let me eat chocolate bars – chocolate covered death she said. Dancing? For the devil. Boys! Boys are evil demons." I concluded. "Unless of course pre-approved, and Korean." I added as an after thought.

"Wow," she said. "So, is that why you left?" she asked quietly.

I looked down. "How do you know I'm not visiting? I could have relatives here. I mean, I could have just moved here."

"You wouldn't be carrying your bags around, and spending your afternoon in a bakery playing pinball." She said sadly. "You'd probably be at school."

"Well why aren't you at school!" I asked, angry that this stranger could read me so well.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just calling it as I see it." She said, instantly making me feel childish and stupid. "I skipped today, didn't feel like going."

"Do that often?" I snapped. Instantly biting my tongue in regret.

She smiled. I slowly smiled back, wonder why she was smiling as if I'd just shared a secret with her, and we knew something the world didn't.

"You got a place to stay tonight?" she asked.

Panic stuck me. I hadn't really thought that far. I had enough money for a hotel for the night. But beyond that I had no plan. For someone who was so quick to rush out, I had been pretty stupid.

"Well…" I began.

"Listen, a friend of mine is having a sleepover tonight. Why don't you come along? I'm sure she won't mind, and maybe in the morning I could help you find a job, or a place to stay. I have some friend who could hook you up. What do you say?"

Mama Kim's voice echoed in my head, warning me not to go. But one look at Ashley's kind face, and I realized that Mama was a paranoid mother.

_Spread your wings and fly away. Fly away, far away. Spread your little wings and fly away. Fly away, far away. Pull yourself together. 'Cos you know you should do better. That's because you're a free man._

I pulled a Rory and made a list in my mind. Pros on one side Cons on the other. It basically came down to whether or not I wanted to sleep on a bench or under a roof with gummy worms and a movie.

"Lead the way," I said, hauling my bag onto my shoulder, and following her out the door.

--------------------

**A/N:** I know you all hate me for not updating sooner. Not to mention updating this story instead of the more popular Improbabilities or Push, however I have the worst case of well you name it. Writers Block, Procrastination, lack of time what ever you call it. I physically do not have enough hours in the day to update as frequently as I would like. I know you at present hate me more than I could ever imagine… I mean… I don't think I've updated some stories since June… So I am sorry. But know that I'm working on it. And after I finish my story Mary for my song fic collection (I've been working on it for 8 months) I will begin updates on my other chapter. I am soooo sorry. Please don't hate me more than avoidable.

Push is currently with my beta, and will arrive as soon as it is returned…

_Leave me a review, motivation always helps!_


	4. Happiness by the Killowatt

**Disclaimer:** ASP is my Hero – But I'm not her… so I will now tell you that I take no credit for any of the characters here (except those not mentioned in the TV series)

_This chapter title is property of Alexisonfire._

**A/N:** This fic, while slightly AU will be very realistic (maybe not so with the drug bits because I'm not into that stuff… but how things get to be like this, and the black hole runaways typically get sucked into). I was fortunate in being able to do some charity work in Toronto, with the homeless, and met a number of drug dealers, and prostitutes. This fic will be generally quite accurate in its story line… and will follow a Go Ask Alice/Speak format.

**Rating: **PG13 - R for content and mild language.

**WARNING** – This is not a fic to read if you are looking for Fuff or a light read. It is harsh, angsty, and will be very gruesome at times. For Mature audiences (viewer digression advised :P)

--------------------

**Chapter 4: Happiness by the Killowatt**

"Listen, a friend of mine is having a sleepover tonight. Why don't you come along? I'm sure she won't mind, and maybe in the morning I could help you find a job, or a place to stay. I have some friend who could hook you up. What do you say?"

Mama Kim's voice echoed in my head, warning me not to go. But one look at Ashley's kind face, and I realized that Mama was a paranoid mother.

_Spread your wings and fly away. Fly away, far away. Spread your little wings and fly away. Fly away, far away. Pull yourself together. 'Cos you know you should do better. That's because you're a free man._

I pulled a Rory and made a list in my mind. Pros on one side Cons on the other. It basically came down to whether or not I wanted to sleep on a bench or under a roof with gummy warms and a movie.

"Lead the way," I said, hauling my bag onto my shoulder, and following her out the door.

---GG---

I couldn't believe what I was doing. First I had run away from home, and now here I was, trusting someone I had just met, and spending the night at someone's place who I hadn't _yet_ met.

_I'm crazy_.

I followed Ashley down to the subway, and let her buy me a ticket. Carrying my stuff, we climbed in.

I'd never been on a subway before. But I was stunned by the ads flying by. Everything was so overwhelming that had it not been for Ashley, pulling my arm and calling "Come on!" I may have been stuck on the subway and found myself quite far from my destination.

Where exactly was I going though?

"Ashley," I asked gently. "Where are we going?"

"Oh, her place is just over here." She said smiling. "I can't wait for you to meet my friends. They're going to love you!"

I smiled, and continued to follow her.

Before I knew it we were facing the front of a rundown building. I did a double-take, and began wondering what I had gotten myself into. _Where the hell am I?_ My mind screamed while I looked around in a panic.

"It looks worse than it is," Ashley comforted, seeing my panicked look. "It's hard to afford a place here, the inside is nice though. Just wait."

I didn't have any choice but to follow, seeing as Ashley had one of my bags in hand.

Using her own key, she opened the door.

"Martha!" She yelled "We've got a guest!" Walking into the house she dropped my bag at the front door. "You can leave your stuff here; we can move it into one of the rooms in a little. You can share with me, I don't mind."

"Okay," I replied uneasily. "I thought this was your friend's house."

"I practically live here," Ashley said, her smile never leaving her face.

_I wonder if her cheeks hurt when she goes to sleep at night. _I thought, chuckling lightly to myself.

We entered a kitchen, and suddenly I realized what Ashley had meant by the inside being nicer. The hallway was terrifying, cracks in the walls, stains on the floor; But the kitchen? The floor was tiled with white linoleum, and the walls were painted a slick black. The appliances were all chrome. My face lit up the second I saw it.

This was sick! It looked like a walk-in Ikea ad! This was how I wanted my place to look. It was perfect.

"Hi, who are you?" A blonde girl asked from the kitchen table, where she was flipping through a day-planner.

"Lane," I supplied.

"Cool, like walk down a –"

"Yea," I interrupted.

"I'm Martha."

"It's nice to meet you. Is this your place?"

"Kind of, well almost." She said, glancing around. "It's more mine than the others. But I don't really own it."

"So what, is it like your boyfriends or something?" I asked, slightly shy at the idea of staying at someone's boyfriends house.

"Something like that," Martha said, quickly looking back down to her book.

"We'll thanks for letting me stay the night."

"Oh, it's not a problem. We do this a lot. Monthly sleepovers. Usually we try to invite someone new. Looks like you're the lucky pick tonight."

"Whoopee," Another girl said sarcastically from a seat next to the counter. She was painting her nails a deep crimson.

"Cut it out Gill." Martha said annoyed.

"What ever," Gill said, placing the lid back onto the nail polish bottle. "So are we gona party tonight, or what?"

"Oh, we're gona party," Ashley said, her smile growing wider.

"Ethan's going to be over in about an hour," Martha said lightly, as she stood up and closed her magazine. "So cough it up ladies."

Everyone grumbled as the reached into their pockets, pulling out wads of cash. Sliding them onto the table, Gill took over the task of counting.

"Is this all everyone's got?" She asked, looking up surprised.

"It's been a slow week." Ashley said in response.

"Grab me the food jar." Gill called, as she pulled an extra twenty out of her pocket.

"I can chip in for pizza if you like," I said, suddenly worried that these girls were going to go hungry trying to make tonight work.

"Pizza, sure." Martha said smiling. "That'd be great."

"See Gill?" Ashley said. "Leave the food jar alone, and we'll use Lane's money to pay Ethan."

"Alright," was the only reply, as Gill snatched the twenty from my outstretched hand.

"Shall we migrate into the living room?" Martha asked her voice chirpy.

Before I had any idea what was happening, I was the forth person in the circle, and responsible for pouring the shots.

"Fill me up," Ashley laughed, leaning into me as I tried to pour her some more vodka.

"Let's play a new game," Martha said smiling.

"No more games," Gill called from her spot lying on the ground. She exhaled a large puff of smoke from her cigarette. "Why can't we ever just drink and pass out. What is it with you and a constant need to make everything into a game?"

"Truth or Dare!" Martha squealed as if she hadn't heard Gill. "Lane you can go first because you new."

"Sure," I said, slightly dizzy from the large amount of liquor coursing through my veins.

"This is slightly different though." Ashley said, trying to be serious, but failing miserably. "When you choose truth, if you lie, you have to do a dare. Also, if we ask something like have you ever frenched with a complete stranger, and you say that you haven't, it's like a dare; you have to do it."

"Truth or Dare?" Martha asked, her face bright with excitement.

"Truth?" I asked, almost afraid to choose.

"Have you ever frenched with a complete stranger?" Ashley said laughing.

_Fuck._

---GG---

"Ladies," came a male voice from the doorway.

"Ethan!" Ashley screamed in her drunken state. "How are ya?"

"I'm fine baby, you got something for me to drink."

"I'll grab you something," Martha said; slightly more sober than Ashley.

"Gill," Ethan said trying to gain her attention from the hovering smoke she seemed so fascinated by.

"Ethan," She replied, without even sparing a glance.

Then his eyes met mine. They were a cold gray, terrifying I'm sure, had I not been too intoxicated to pay notice. He kept his eyes on me, unflinching, and all I could do was stare back waiting for whatever came next.

I didn't.

"Why don't we go to the kitchen," Martha said, pulling Ethan into the other room.

"Lane," Ashley hissed once he was gone.

"Hm?" I asked, trying to focus on just one of her.

"This is the perfect opportunity to finish the game!"

"What?" I asked, trying to organize her words in my head.

"Ethan," she hissed as if it were obvious.

"Who? That guy?" I asked. "What about him."

"He's a complete stranger to you." Ashley said, her smile not so gentle now.

"I can't!" I hissed, trying to remember what it was exactly that I couldn't do.

"Go, go in there, and say you're getting me another beer."

I stumbled slightly as Ashley pushed me towards the kitchen where Ethan and Martha were arguing about something.

"You're short." Ethan said, his face stern and cold.

"Okay, firstly it's that time of the month," she said, sounding much more sober than she should be. "You know how hard that makes things."

"I don't give a fuck." Ethan said harshly. "This isn't a confession to a priest. I'm not a teacher giving you a grade. This is a business transaction. You have excuses? Go join parliament, they have no place here."

"It's newbie night." She said, as if it were answer enough.

"Who? That Asian chick?"

"Lane," she said. "And yes,"

"Hi," I said, not wanting to hear any more. "Ashley said to get her another beer. Where are they?"

"Oh," Martha said grinning. "Lane, I don't believe you've met Ethan."

"No, I haven't."

"And Ethan, that means you haven't met Lane yet, right?"

"No," he said glaring at Martha. "I don't believe I have."

"Lane, this is Ethan, why don't you come and get to know him, while I grab Ashley her beer?"

"Uh, sure." I said uneasily. Trying to figure out how in the world I was going to have a conversation with a guy when I couldn't even tell how many of him I was seeing.

"Great," Martha said smiling. "Ethan?"

"You owe me." he said, passing her a small bag.

"Love ya, baby!" Martha said, prancing back into the living room towards the other girls.

"So…" I said after an awkward moment.

"Beer?" Ethan asked.

"Uh, sure," I said. Not even noticing what words were escaping my mouth.

_This is so worse than the party with Dean. At least I knew everyone then!_ I thought.

Ethan, or Ethans plural, seeing as I couldn't focus on just one, walked over to where I was standing beside the fridge. Reaching for the door he leaned over me.

"So Lane, how long have you been in New York?"

Before I could answer, his lips were on mine. Not having any idea what to do, I just stood there and swayed in my inebriated state. Had I not been so completely wasted, maybe I would have had sense enough to think about what I should have been doing, or what was happening. But, unfortunately, circumstances weren't different. I was flat out wasted, and a complete stranger had his hands on my hips, and his mouth slowly running down my neck.

"Lane," he whispered between kissed.

"Hm," I asked, my world spinning.

"I want you to try something for me."

"What?" I managed, letting my arms roam up his back. Who knew kissing a stranger would be so amazing.

"This," he whispered into my ear, before tugging at it with his teeth.

He held up a needle for me to see, before gently kissing his way down my arm.

"Ethan," I managed to get out, my head swimming.

"Shh, shh, shh," he said.

I felt a sharp pressure on my arm, and sobered, though only slightly.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to break my lips away from his.

"Lane, Lane, Lane." He said kissing me again. God, I couldn't think when he did that. Sliding his tongue into my mouth, he pushed me roughly against the counter.

Everything was swaying. I had no idea what was happening, or where I was.

Suddenly there was a sharp pain in my left arm, and I felt nauseous.

"I'm gona throw up," was all I managed to get out before puking all over Ethan.

"You little bitch!" He yelled. "You fucking puked all over my jacket!"

"Sorry," I managed, as I ran for the kitchen sink.

"Here," Martha said kindly holding back my hair. "Try this." She said as she held out a pill.

"Thanks," I croaked, before swallowing it.

Come on, we'll go sit in the living room.

I leaned onto her shoulder, and stumbled beside her as we made our way down the hall.

"I'm so sorry for the…" I said before drifting off and staring in awe at the surrounding room.

The room was contorting in on the corners. I slid down to the ground, not looking to see where I landed, and just stared at the floor, terrified, yet amazed at everything happening around me.

It was like looking at a picture on the computer, but really zoomed in. You could see every single pixel, and it was beautiful. The way they all blended together, and how the colors seemed to move. I just sat there. I don't know how long I watched the floor.

But the next morning I woke up slumped up against a wall, with a small trickle of blood running down my forearm.

"_So where has all the day gone? And why are my lungs aching when I breathe? Is there something wrong with the heat? Why am I so cold? And my heart feels sick, And it hurts when I speak, And this is not what I hoped for…"_

---GG---

**My Beta isn't responding right now, so I'm sorry if this chapter hasany errors in it... Would anyone be willing to beta for this fic? Send me a message or a review letting me know.**

**A/N:** Hopefully this wasn't too scaring for anyone. I hope I was able to get the drug part down accurately…

Let me know what you think. There is more to come, and it's not going to be sunny skies.

_To those who are wondering -- The Push chapter 19 is almost finished. I'm about half way through (who knew it would be such a tough chapter to write) depending on how school goes it should be up here in a bit. Just letting you know that I haven't forgotten that fic..._


	5. AN: Hate me, it helps with the guilt

**A/N**: Okay, so here is the deal. I just got a new laptop. In anticipation, I burned all of my working chapters onto a pretty little disc, which I slipped ever so carefully into a CD case and currently have sitting on my bookshelf. What, may you ask then is the hold up?

Wait for it, - this is good.

**My new computer has no Disc Drive.**

Now while I could start over, and write from what I have posted, I don't want to. I like what I have written, and I want to follow what I have.

Therefore, I new chapter will be a while away. I need to buy an external CD drive, and then I have to finish actually writing the chapter. Which, though I hate to say it, could take a while as I am currently training excruciatingly hard to get onto the Junior National Sailing Team (I also want to make the National team, but the qualifier is in September)

Hate me, I suck, I know!

But I am not quitting! This story will be completed, as will all of my other ones! Just give me time… please don't give up on me!

_**P.S.** My new computer is an **IMB Tablet**, meaning that I can write on the screen with a special pen and it's converted into text! NOW HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT! (oy! I wrote that out by hand!)_


End file.
